Warming Up - Exercise 7

Rituals – Why We Need Them

Do we really have to put up a Christmas tree this year?  We won’t even be home to enjoy it.

I’ve heard this thought a couple of times.  I’ve even said it myself.  In fact, the version I spoke was more a statement than a question.  My then-husband and I planned to spend the Christmas holiday with my family in northern Minnesota.  Being ever so practical, I told my husband that it didn’t make any sense to put up a tree that year.  And since I had already come to that very sensible conclusion, there wasn’t much room for my husband to provide his counter arguments.  We didn’t put up a tree that year.

It wasn’t until after the holiday that he told me he felt cheated that year.  We spent the holidays with my Scandinavian family where we ate buttered lefse sprinkled with sugar on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and every other day spent at my parents’ home, but there was nothing of his Romanian traditions – no whiskey shots before each meal, no Romanian carols.  There was nothing that meant Christmas to him.  Once I realized how important the elements of tradition – the ritual of the holiday – were to him, I also realized that by not putting up a tree, I robbed both of us of an opportunity to establish some of our own uniquely Scandinavian/American-Romanian/Canadian traditions. 

Since my practical nature is likely due in large measure to the influence of my practical parents, I wasn’t surprised one Thanksgiving to hear my father say he didn’t think it was necessary for him to put up a Christmas tree that year.  It was the first Christmas after my mother’s passing the previous January.  Her death came just days after the previous year’s Christmas tree had been taken down and stored away.  I had already decided that we kids would put up the tree, lights and decorations for my father before I returned to Washington.  And that we did – most of the decorations were placed by me – Dad’s oldest child – and three-year-old Megan – Dad’s youngest grandchild.

The next year, I traveled back to Minnesota again for Christmas.  This time, my husband traveled with me.  And our son traveled to England to spend the holidays with his English relatives.  So again, I wasn’t surprised when my very practical husband pointed out that he didn’t think we needed to put up the tree that year since no one would be home on Christmas anyway.  He was a little surprised to hear me laugh so loudly in response to the idea – I couldn’t help but think of the contrast to the time so many years ago when I first said the same thing.  It felt good to know that my husband and I share that practical streak.  But since our family consists of three, I advised him that we need to know how our son would feel about skipping the tradition.  Our son’s response was that well, yes, it wasn’t necessary for us to put up the tree, especially since he’ll be gone for two weeks and we’ll be gone for eight days.  But he added that it wouldn’t be Christmas without a tree, even if was no one would be at home.


We put up the tree that week.