Day 24 - Claire

It was Saturday, the only day Claire could sleep in. She woke up while the room was still dark, but took time to "rest her eyes" and enjoy that in-between state of not sleeping but not being fully awake, of almost dreaming although having just a bit of control over the sequence of events that played out in her not quite subconscious mind.

Image by Ryan Holst, via Flickr

Once the room was light enough for her to know the sun was up, she slipped out of bed, into her slippers, and made her way to draw the drapes for her first view of the day. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and the ground was covered in snow, several inches of it, Claire estimated. Without having to look at a thermostat or turn on a radio or TV to get a weather report, Claire knew it was cold outside. The few animals not hibernating during the winter had left some footprints on the snow. The edges of the prints were crisp, clearly defined, and without any evidence of melting that would otherwise indicate the sun's warmth.

Claire felt a shiver come over her as she imagined what the air outside was like. In defense, she grabbed her robe and headed for the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee to get warmed up before getting dressed and heading out to shovel the sidewalk and driveway. While the coffee brewed, she dropped two slides of Healthy Nut bread into the toaster and grabbed the margarine from the refrigerator and the marmalade from the cupboard. She switched on the radio which was always tuned to a Public Broadcasting station where the morning news programs were more balanced, she felt, than on the commercial stations which seemed to feature either disc jockeys yelling at the audience between pieces of music or talk shows whose moderators seemed bent on provoking their listeners into yelling at them. Her local PBS channel played classical music between news broadcasts, music to soothe away any anxieties or worries Claire brought home from work or picked up from news stories.

After savoring her toast and coffee - there was no need to rush - Claire got dressed to face the snow. In layers. She knew layers were the key to keeping her warm. She had silk long johns from her short-lived experiment with cross-country skiing, one of the activities she tried in her desperate effort to find something about winter to like, to look forward to, so the long johns were the inner layer. Next she pulled on knee-high socks and a long-sleeved t-shirt. A pair of jeans covered the socks, with an oversized pair of jogging pants on top of the jeans. Over the t-shirt, she layered a flannel shirt and an Irish fisherman sweater. Before putting on her boots, she pulled on a pair of wool socks to keep her feet warm, and then topped off her layers with a North Face ski jacket, with hood which she pulled over a scarf and matching stocking cap her mother had knitted for her as a Christmas present.

Image by yourauntjam, via Flickr

The snow wasn't a surprise. Claire had left her shovel on the porch the evening before so that she would have it handy to clear the steps and sidewalk before she had to tackle the driveway. The snow was deep, but not heavy. It wasn't wet enough to be good for making snowmen. Clearing the porch and steps just meant pushing the snow down to the next level. But clearing the sidewalk required removing the snow in layers, first the top three inches and then the rest, down to the pavement. She cleared a path the width of the shovel from the steps to the street and then shoveled the rest of the snow off the sidewalk in perpendicular swaths. She had to clear the snow from the sidewalk alongside the street as well. The county had passed a regulation at the end of the last winter requiring all public pedestrian walkways be cleared at least two-feet in width within 12 hours of the end of any snow fall, unless the snow depth was over 4 inches when the time limit was extended to 36 hours. Claire felt certain there were more than 4 inches on the ground, but there was no advantage to waiting another day to clear the path.

Once the sidewalks were clear, Claire considered whether to take on clearing the driveway, or to put it off. Once again, she thought about how much easier it would be if she gave in and bought a snow blower, but each winter she hoped would be her last in this climate. Buying a snow blower would be too close to giving up hope of a life somewhere else, somewhere warmer, somewhere exotic, somewhere she always knew she wanted to live, even without yet knowing its name.

Day 23 - Ben Wheeler, 6, Student

BenWheeler, image by MSN

Ben Wheeler wasn't really such a troublesome student - he was just her biggest challenge this year. Dawn had seen many worse. Unlike typical first grade discipline problems, Ben wasn't violent. He wasn't a bully. He wasn't late. He wasn't a thief. He always did his homework. But. . .

Ben had a way of following instructions while at the same time pushing to find where the edges are. For example, when Dawn assigned her students the task of bringing in pictures of objects that began with specific letter of the alphabet, most of her students seemed already to have developed a healthy sense of competition, each trying to bring in more or bigger or more colorful pictures. Ben alternated between bringing in just one picture or a dozen pictures of the same object.

Ben was also unable to sit still for more than 10 minutes. While he never got up from his desk without permission, his energy level seemed to spill over so that something would drop from his desk or fly off across the room. Then his hand would go up to ask for permission to pick up the book or collect the pencil. It was that politeness that made it so difficult to figure out how to respond to Ben's behavior.

In contrast to Allison, Ben was always willing to volunteer for show-and-tell. But Dawn was never sure just what Ben would say, so she rarely called on him. She had talked with Ben's parents about the inappropriate story Ben had shared during show-and-tell about the dinner party his parents had hosted. Dawn was certain the other students hadn't understood why Ben's parents would be embarrassed, but six-year-olds were so much more worldly now than they were 25 year ago when Dawn began teaching.

Dawn Hochsprung, image by MSN

During art, Ben always seemed to get his paint or paste or fingers onto someone else's project. And he was always so sorry. But where Dawn found his apologies almost endearing, she recognized that his classmates weren't ready to say "never mind." Instead, some of his classmates were clearly annoyed with Ben although Dawn's classroom ground rules that prohibited speaking ill of anyone were still holding. Dawn saw eyes roll a couple of times, and she wondered how far beyond the school grounds her rules worked.

And that was the attention-seeking, disruptive behavior Dawn was concerned about.

Because Dawn began each school year lining up the children in their seats in alphabetical order, Ben was just ahead of Allison at the beginning of the school year. They were the last two in the row furthest to the right of her classroom, right next to the window. But Ben spent too much time staring out the window when he should have been reading or doing other work. At the end of the first 9-week term, Dawn placed him at the opposite side of the room. So now the two students Dawn was most concerned about were on the opposite sides of the room. To keep her eye on them, she was certain to keep her eye on all those in between as well.

Day 22 - Dawn Hochspung, 47, Teacher

Dawn Hochsprung, image by MSN

Allison's teacher, Dawn Hochsprung, was delighted when she saw Allison's hand go up during show-and-tell time. It was only the second time she recalled Allison raising her hand for anything. When Dawn called on her, Allison always had either the right answer, when the question called for a single answer, or a good thought in those cases where the child's creativity was being probed. Dawn had done all she could think of to encourage Allison to take part in activities, to build up her confidence. So when Allison raised her hand, Dawn called on her and watched as she made her way to the front of the room.

Dawn was pleased that Allison wasn't hanging her head as she walked. But once Allison reached the front of the room, Dawn noticed a little hesitation, as though Allison was reconsidering her volunteering. Just a hint of rose came over Allison's cheeks, a blush of embarrassment, Dawn thought. But as quickly as the blush appeared, it disappeared as Allison seemed to get back her courage and pointed to the knee-high socks she was wearing and told the class that they were new.  While others who volunteered for show-and-tell were reluctant to give up their platform at the front of the room when called on, Allison said her piece and then was done.

Dawn watched as the young girl walked back to her desk with more energy than she had shown on her way to the front of the classroom. Dawn hoped that energy was evidence that Allison found some confidence through her speaking, but she knew it could as easily be that Allison's confidence had escaped, leaving Allison with no option but to get back to the comfort of her desk as soon as possible.

As show-and-tell continued, Dawn continued watching Allison who began to shrink into herself. Instead of increased confidence, it appeared that her confidence was wilting. By the time show-and-tell ended, Allison was back to her usual self, head lowered so she could hide behind her hair as she concentrated on her text books and papers.

Benjamin Wheeler, Image from MSN

Dawn didn't believe she showed favoritism towards any of her students. She believed she was equally concerned about each of them, but the challenges each faced were not the same so that the time required to address each student's challenges couldn't be equal. For that reason, she knew there may be others who might accuse her of having a favorite or two. But Dawn spent time as her students required, not according to a rota.

For example, she spent more time on Benjamin Wheeler, too, her most troublesome student. Dawn was convinced Ben wasn't getting the attention he wanted, that he deserved, at home, probably because he was the middle son in this family of three boys. Ben's older brother was born when his parents had been married for ten years, Ben a year later, and the youngest was still an infant. Not surprisingly, after waiting so long to begin their family, his parents doted on the older son and found the infant a handful as they hadn't planned on having a larger family, especially at their age. After five years of being their baby, Ben found he had lost much of his parents' attention which Dawn assumed led him to act out in class where he was assured of getting attention from not only his teacher, but also the rest of his classmates. Dawn was struggling to find a way to turn his attention-seeking behavior into something positive, but she hadn't found the key yet. Both his young age and his infectious smile made it difficult to discipline him. She hadn't yet decided if at six-years-old Ben had learned to manipulate those around him or if he was just a desperately lonely child who was trying all methods he could think of to get attention.

By the end of the day, Dawn had stopped wondering why Allison's confidence had slipped away after show-and-tell. She dismissed her students when the end-of-the-day bell rang and she watched as they seemed to fly out of their desks and through the classroom door.

Day 19 - Henry

Image by Scott O'Dell via Flickr

Henry was born in Tijuana, was raised in Santa Monica, and lives now in San Diego with his wife and the younger of his eight children. He has a plumbing business with two of his older sons. He hired his son-in-law to teach him the plumbing business when his son-in-law returned from a tour with the U.S. Marines in Desert Storm and couldn't get a job that would allow him to remain at home with his wife and two young children. After two years, Henry sent his son-in-law out on his own because he knew he couldn't teach him any more. Henry encouraged his son-in-law to work for another plumbing business where he could learn heating and ventilation as well. Henry's one regret in his business is that he didn't learn HVAC. Instead, he specialized in plumbing. And he is good.

Henry was the first plumber in the San Diego area to use a video camera on a snake to allow his customers to see what is in the sewer line. He doesn't need the camera. He knows what is in the sewer by the feel of the snake in his hands as he feeds it into the pipes. But the camera shows the customers. When his boss asked if he thought an underwater video signal would be helpful, he knew he didn't need it. But he agreed to use one. When he saw his customers' reactions, he was convinced.

Image by PhylB via Flickr

Henry is a keen observer. He was in a bank where he noticed a table in the lobby where customers could pour out a cup of coffee while the waited. It was something he hadn't seen elsewhere, so it caught his attention. Then he noticed a man standing near the table who was stirring his coffee cup with a spoon. For a long time. For a really long time. And then he noticed another man standing near the door. Just standing there, scanning the room from side to side. Henry got out of line and walked to the security guard and mentioned that the two men seemed a little suspicious. The guard nodded and Henry got back into line. The guard then circled the lobby and returned to Henry to whisper that the coffee stirrer's cup was empty. The guard suggested Henry leave the bank. Henry did.

After half an hour, Henry returned to the bank to find police cars outside, a helicopter circling above, and the two men face down on the ground with policemen standing over them.

Henry is an immigrant. He is a successful businessman, a successful family man and an all around great guy. Henry is an example of the reason immigration is important for our country.

Day 17 - An Unfinished Story

Nasser, on right, with a friend

In the 1960s, a nine-year-old boy in what was then Ethiopia but is now Eritrea contracted measles.  He recovered, but not without consequences.  He lost his sight.  His name was Nasser.

Nasser's story is one of closing doors and an enormously open mind.

The Ethiopian government provided education for the blind, but it meant Nasser had to attend school away from home, away from the Arab Muslim traditions of his family.

While at school, he formed a friendship with another blind student, Elfey.  The two of them became teachers.  They were sent to different villages to teach. The only way they could be assigned to the same place was to get married.  But Elfey is Christian.  In spite of Nasser’s family’s objections, they married, Nasser became a Christian, and they were assigned to schools in Addis Ababa, away from both their families.  

While in Ethiopia, Nasser joined the Ethiopian National Association for the Blind.  He became an advocate for improving the educational opportunities of students with visual limitations.

Saron, one of Erirea's chldren

In 1991, Eritrean rebels won their independence from Ethiopia.  Since both Nasser and Elfey had been born and raised within the boundaries of the newly independent Eritrean country, the Ethiopians expelled them.  They returned to Eritrea where they continued teaching.  They also found their family greatly expanded as Elfey’s sister’s husband was killed during the Civil War so she and her children needed a place to live and a source of financial support.  Elfey’s brother-in-law fought against the Ethiopian government, but not with the winning rebels.  Instead of being considered a martyr by the Eritrean government, he was just another dead soldier. And his widow and children received nothing on his death.

In addition to teaching, Nasser became one of the founders of the Eritrean National Association for the Blind, hoping to continue the work he had begun in Ethiopia.  In 2001, he was one of a group of 20 teachers, the only non-sighted among the group, who received scholarships from the Eritrean government to study in South Africa where he received a master’s degree in education, with specialization in inclusive education for children with special needs.  It was a big step toward his ultimate goal.

Tekelu, Nasser's nephew

In 2004, Nasser returned from South Africa, when I met him during my last week in the country.  After I left, Nasser obtained funding from the U.S. Embassy to develop a workshop for local teachers.  He was also teaching again by then, but the Eritrean government was suspicious of his connections with the embassy.  And that developed into a combination of jealousy from his colleagues and suspicion from his superiors.

Then, the Eritrean Association shifted its focus to address the needs of those who lost their sight in the Civil War, not as a result of disease.  And most of those victims are adults, not the children Nasser so desperately wanted to help.  He was removed from the Board of the Association and its committees.

Because Nasser was no longer on the Board of the Eritrean National Association for the Blind, he lost his teaching job.  The Ministry of Education encouraged him to look for work outside of Eritrea as they recognized they would not be able to help him meet his goal.  So Nasser made plans to travel to Sudan to visit relatives and look for work.

After a month in Sudan, he left, but didn’t return to Eritrea.  Instead, he returned to Addis Ababa, by means that I have never asked him to explain.  I don’t really want to know.  His wife, Elfey, their three children, his sister-in-law and her children, and his mother-in-law remained in Eritrea, with only Elfey’s salary to support them, so long as she continued teaching, so long as the Eritrean government didn’t turn its suspicion in her direction.

This is an unfinished story.  

Nasser remained in Ethiopia more that two years, during which time he lived in one of the refugee camps where he would have to collect water each morning to bathe and fuel to cook his meals.  After more that a year on a list with the UNHCR for resettlement in Norway, Canada, or the United States, his family still remained in Eritrea.  Throughout that experience, Nasser continued to write proposals for grants to share his experience, thoughts, and theories on inclusive education for blind and deaf children.  Throughout this experience, he remained positive, focused on his goals.  Throughout this experience, he sought to find his own means, turning to a friend for help only when he sees no other option.  And throughout this experience, he has continued to teach me the value of recognizing that when a door closes, sometimes there is a sign on it pointing to another open door with an even better prize behind it.

Nasser is now in the United States, in Syracuse, NY. His wife and children are in Ethiopia. His wife's case has been approved to join Nasser, but hls children's cases are still pending. Nasser works doing some tutoring and medical translation.

This story is unfinished.  But I have no doubt that it will be a success story.  

Day 16 - Three Little Pigs

Three little pigs image by Loren Javier via Flickr

Now I suspect everyone reading this has already heard the story of the Three Little Pigs many times over. But I'd like to tell it with a twist. Instead of focusing on the wisdom of each pig's choice of building materials and on their work ethic, I'd like to focus on the resources each of the pigs had and the environment within which they had to work.

The traditional version tells of the first little pig choosing to build with straw, the second with wood, and the third with brick. Each of the little pigs faced the same danger, the wolf, who wanted to eat the pigs and who threatened each with huffing and puffing to blow their houses down. The traditional version implies that the first two little pigs were happy-go-lucky, not willing to work hard or prepare for their future. Only the third little pig works hard. And it's clear that the third little pig is supposed to be the hero of the story.

But even in the original story, there were differences among the pigs. They each built their houses on different plots of land. So let's consider the land available to each as one of their resources. The first little pig's plot may not have been as suitable for building a brick house. Instead of being the most foolish of the pigs, he may have been just as wise as the other two, given the resources available. If the first little pig's land was marshy, a brick house might have just sunk away into the marsh, taking with it all of the little pig's financial resources.

First little pig image by Loren Javier
via Flickr

Or maybe the first little pig decided to spend more money on a desirable piece of property so that he was left without as much money to build his house. That first little pig might have decided to build the biggest and best house possible with the money he had, avoiding the banks and high mortgage interest rates.

The first little pig may have learned about the dangers of taking on too much credit through an experience with bankruptcy. This would explain his reluctance to go into debt just to put a roof over his head. That first little pig applied all his real property, personal property, and financial resources, together with all that he had learned in his life to build a modest home, a starter home, with the hope of eventually being able to move into a larger, most substantial home in the future.

Or maybe the first little pig had made a commitment to work in a field where salaries are not high. I don't mean manual labor or work that doesn't require higher education; social workers, teachers, and the clergy are all professions where the practitioners have chosen service over wealth. And all our lives are enhanced by the work they do.

Second little pig image by Loren Javier
via Flickr

The second little pig is given a little more credit for wisdom or a good work ethic in the traditional version of the story, but he, too, is limited by resources and circumstances. Perhaps he spent less money for his land so that he had more money available for construction. Perhaps he chose to spend time and money when he was younger getting an education. And that likely led to his having some student loans. That second little pig may have chosen to build a wooden house in order to have enough money available to repay those loans. In the past, other little pigs took the irresponsible route of defaulting on their student loans and then declaring bankruptcy, leaving the taxpayers with the bills for their education. Even if that path had appealed to the second little pig in the past, laws have been passed to prevent him or any other pigs from escaping those debts so easily. So the second little pig used his real property, personal property, and financial resources, together with all that he had learned in life to build his home, also a starter home, with the hope of eventually being able to move into a larger, more substantial home in the future.

Third little pig image by Loren Javier
via Flickr

The third little pig generally comes out of the traditional version of this story as the wise one, the hard working one, the generous one. But what if the third pig was dealt a more generous set of resources than the other two so that the playing field was not at all level to begin with? What if the third pig inherited his land from a wealthy relative? What if the third pig followed the principle of using other people's money instead of his own whenever possible? What if the third little pig took out a mortgage at the upper limit of what his credit score would allow, just to have some spare cash to invest in speculative commodities? To an outsider, the third little pig may appear to be wealthier as well as wiser, more hard working and generous than the first and second little pigs. Certainly, the third little pig was generous enough to allow the first and the second to move in with him when the wolf had blown their houses down. But the traditional version doesn't address whether he then charged the first two rent.

And then there is the wolf. It would be interesting to consider the story from his point of view as well. Did he just happen upon the straw house first? Or was he directed to that house by an anonymous tipster? Was he the villain in this story or just an unwitting pawn in the plot to wipe out the resources of the first and second little pigs? Whose cooking pot did he end up in at the end of the story?

Can we really know enough about a pig's character just by looking at them or at their possessions?

Day 10 - The Practice Date

Lauren Rousseau from MSN News

By the second year, there were three in the Russian class - Margaret, Steve, and Lauren. They had been a much larger group the year before, but most of the rest didn't make it past the first semester. Greg, a music major, dropped out after the first semester since he was only in the class to learn more about pronunciation so he could sing Russian operas. Ron, a football player, stuck it out through the full year because he didn't want to have to start over. Two semesters of a foreign language were required to graduate, and that's as many semesters as Ron was prepared to complete. Most of his football teammates had chosen Spanish or French, languages they believed were easy.

Both Steve and Lauren lived in town. Margaret was from out of town and lived in one of the dormitories. And that meant that Margaret was out of town during the holidays. That's why Lauren ended up being Steve's practice date.

Image by San Diego Shooter via Flickr

Lauren envied Margaret. She had very long blonde hair, real blonde, not the dishwater blonde of Lauren’s. Margaret’s was straight. Lauren had a couple of kinks that she thought spoiled her much shorter chin-length bob. Margaret lived in the dorm; Lauren’s roommate was her younger sister. Margaret joined a sorority. Lauren didn't even dare attend the rush parties because she feared being rejected. Margaret always seemed to have dates on the weekend. Lauren always went out on the weekends with her girlfriends.

Steve asked Lauren out a couple of times, usually during one of those holidays when Margaret was out of town. During one Christmas holiday, he asked Lauren to the Christmas party for employees of the hotel where he worked as the night bookkeeper. He introduced Lauren to blended whiskey, although both Steve and Lauren were still too young to drink legally.  While they were the same age, had graduated from high school together in fact, Lauren always felt Steve was more experienced, more worldly. She felt Steve behaved towards her more like a tutor than a date. But her dates were few and far between, and she liked Steve.

Image by OPUS Hotels via Flickr

When classes resumed after the new year, Margaret mentioned to Lauren that Steve had driven the 60 miles to her home to take her out for New Year’s Eve.  The hotel where he worked had a blow-out New Year’s Eve party where it was no problem for Steve and his date to be served liquor. Lauren didn’t ask whether Steve drove her back home or had reserved a room in addition a table at the hotel.

Then there was the time during the spring break when Steve invited Lauren to attend the weekly Saturday evening dance held at the local Armory. Lauren was surprised as well as pleased. She loved dancing, but she didn’t think Steve did. She was at least partially right. Steve wasn’t all that comfortable dancing, but he made a good effort and they both had a good time.

The next weekend, the first one after classes resumed, Lauren was out Saturday with her girlfriends, at the dance, their usual hangout. And Lauren saw Steve there again, this time with Margaret.

Lauren didn’t know how often Steve went out with Margaret. She saw them often. She never asked Steve if he considered her his practice date. She just assumed.

Day 8 – Customer Service

Anne Marie Murphy from MSN News

Rachel stopped by Primp, her favorite cheap-chic clothing boutique, when she saw the “Sale” sign in the window. She didn’t really need anything, but bargains are bargains and they don’t come along every day. And Anne Marie, one of the sales women, always had suggestions for items that fit both Rachel’s wardrobe and her style.

Rachel saw Anne Marie by the belts and bags and headed straight towards her. The store was crowded so Rachel was pleased that Anne Marie wasn’t already with a customer.

“Hi, Rachel,” said Anne Marie. “It has been awhile.  Have you been out of town?”

Image from carbonated on Flickr

“No,” replied Rachel. “Just busy. Allison started first grade this year so I’ve been getting involved with the Parent Teacher Association. I wasn’t quite ready for Allison to be in school all day.”

Anne Marie nodded. “Before you know it, she’ll be wanting to shop here herself.”

“Don’t even say that,” responded Rachel. “I want my little girl to remain a little girl for life.”

“OK,” said Anne Marie, “let’s concentrate on you instead.  I think we have something that will work well with that knit black dress you picked up last spring. It’s over here. And I’m sure it’s your size.”

Anne Marie led Rachel to a rack with jackets and tunics at the back of the store. The “50% Off” sign above the rack caught Rachel’s attention and appreciation as Anne Marie took a hanger with a vintage silk vest with attached belt. As usual, Anne Marie was right – the vest would look great with the black dress and she already had shoes in just the right shade to pick up the pink accent in the vest.

“Let me try it on,” said Rachel as she hung her purse over the end of the clothing rack and slipped off her jacket which Anne Marie took from her. “It’s perfect. And the price is definitely right.” Rachel had glanced at the price tag as she slipped her right arm into the vest.

It took a little effort for the two of them to squeeze past the customers in line to reach the check-out counter. When there, Rachel asked Anne Marie, “So why is Primp having a sale at this time of the year?” She kept her voice low to keep from encouraging eavesdroppers in line.

Anne Marie kept her voice equally low. “The store has a new partner who wants to bring in new lines, so we’re making room. But we’ll still have plenty for you.  In fact, let me show you some earrings that I think will work with it, too. Your hairstyle is ideal for them. Here they are,” as she picked up the earrings and handed them to Rachel.”

Image from jijis on Flickr

Rachel took the earrings from Anne Marie and handed them along with the vest to the clerk at the cash register. Just as she was about to say something to Anne Marie, a woman she had never seen in the store before who was hovering over the clerk turned to Anne Marie and said, “Let’s move the line along,” as she looked over the top of her reading glasses and motioned with her eyes at the line that had formed behind Rachel. Anne Marie backed away from the counter, nodding her head in Rachel’s direction in farewell.

Rachel was about to hand over her credit card to the cashier, but she stopped and looked at the woman.  Once she had caught her attention, she said, “I was about to hand over my credit card to pay for these items, and if I thought it wouldn’t affect Anne Marie’s commission today, I would just walk away and leave these things on the counter instead. Anne Marie is the reason I shop here. She knows me, but you apparently don’t know her.”

At least, that’s what Rachel wanted to say. Instead, she handed over her credit card, paid for the vest and earrings, walked out of Primp, her favorite cheap chic clothing boutique for the last time.

Day 4 - Matt Wyatt, 30, Father

Image from Flickr by Wintersoul1

       Matt Wyatt fell in love with his wife Rachel about a week after her family moved down the street. They were in the same class, although he was four months older. It took him several years to get up the courage to tell her how he felt. In the meantime, he was content to hang out around her, to be her buddy, her best friend, to know that he was the first person she turned to when she hd something to celebrate or cry over.

       One reason it took so long for Matt to let Rachel know how he felt was the difference between their families' religions. Matt's family were Lutherans and his grandfather had been a Lutheran pastor. Rachel's family were Italian and that meant, of course, that they were Catholic. His parents and Rachel's parents had become friends, but Matt had overheard his mother talking with her friends at church, so he knew she expected him to find a nice Lutheran girl to marry. So when he reached high school, he looked around at the Lutheran girls at his church, at neighboring churches, and at summer camp. Even if he had found a nice Lutheran girl, his shyness would probably have kept him from acting.

       As graduation approached, Matt began making plans to go away to college and Rachel made plans to spend the summer after graduation in Italy, to visit relatives, before beginning her search for a job. Her parents didn't expect Rachel to go to college. They hoped she would find a nice Catholic boy to marry and they didn't consider college a requirement.

       A month before graduation, Matt began to worry that Rachel would return from Italy changed. He already knew how easily she made friends and he began to fear that she just might meet that nice Catholic boy over there. So he clumsily asked Rachel to go out with him on a date, not just as best friends or buddies. Rachel's response was to laugh, but in the best possible way. She asked why it had taken him so long.

       After that first date, Matt and Rachel were inseparable, until the time came for Rachel to leave for her Italian adventure. She promised him she would come back to him before he had to leave for college. And he promised her he wouldn't have any fun until she returned. Since he would be working for his uncle's construction company that summer, to earn money for tuition, he knew he could keep hmself very busy.

       In late August, Rachel returned and Matt asked her to marry him on their first evening together. They agreed to wait until Matt completed his degree. They also agreed to wait to tell their parents, at least until Matt had completed his first semester.

Day 3 - Rachel D'Avino Wyatt, 29, Mother

       As soon as Allison came through the door, her mother Rachel knew something was wrong. Rachel knew her daughter was shy around strangers, but unless someone else was in the house when Allison arrived home from school, she usually greeted her mother with a quick "Hi, Mom" before she headed upstairs to her room.  This afternoon, however, Allison raced through the living room without a word and bounded up the stairs two steps at a time.

      Rachel had never been shy, or so her parents always told her. According to them, Rachel was as likely to walk up to a stranger to ask what he or she was doing as Allison was loathe to be caught by a stranger's glance. Rachel hoped her daughter would grow out of her shyness, although she also had to admit to herself that her daughter may just be following in the footsteps of her introverted father, just as she had inherited his blond Scandinavian features. Matt would rather stay home tinkering with his electronic gadgets than go out for an evening with friends. But Rachel had known that about Matt ever since they met in sixth grade when Rachel's family moved to Seattle when the auto-parts plant her father had managed in Indiana shut down. Now they lived in Minneapolis where Matt was an engineer at one of the up-and-coming medical device companies. Rachel would have preferred to stay in Seattle for the sake of her husband and daughter because she knew they would each have more trouble making friends in a new city than she would.

       In the two years they had lived in Minneapolis, Rachel had found several sources for friendship.  They had joined a Lutheran church, a concession to Matt's upbringing, where Rachel volunteered to organize coffee and refreshments after each service. Before they joined, coffee and refreshments had been handled by the same three women for as long as anyone she asked could remember. One of the three made it known she was ready for someone else to take over. They had put out sign-up sheets to try to encourage others to help, but the list remained empty Sunday after Sunday. Rachel remembered a pastor saying that Lutherans invite someone to come with them to church once every 33 years, and her observations of the coffee service made her conclude that that is just about as often as each Lutheran was prepared to agree to volunteer, too. Unless someone asked them to, of course. And that is why Rachel's efforts were so successful. She loved meeting new people and having a request gave her an opportunity to call up perfect strangers to introduce herself and ask if they would be willing to help.

       Rachel also volunteered on Saturdays at the library where books donated by the community were sold at a small shop each weekend. Allison loved to go with her mother to the library because she could sit in a corner with a new book while her mother worked. That once a week contact with the public gave Rachel her second source for friendships. Rachel saw clues in the books customers bought about their interests, and that always provided an opening for a conversation. She learned about a quilting group that met Wednesday mornings from a woman who bought Hidden in Plain Sight: A Secret Story of Quilts and the Underground Railroad. And another woman who bought several books of one-act plays told Rachel about a reading circle that Rachel was considering joining. Rachel's life was as full of people as she wanted it to be, with opportunities around every corner should she feel in need of more.

Day 2 - Allison Wyatt, 6, Student

       Allison was shy. At six years old, that was the only word she knew to describe how she felt when strangers looked at her, especially if they tried to get her attention. A big smile from a stranger just made her look away and down, hoping her long blonde hair would cover her blushing cheeks, as though not being able to see the stranger would somehow make her invisible.

       All her effort went into being a good girl, one who attracted only positive attention from her parents. Misbehaving brought the type of attention she hated, with one parent pointing out to the other what she had done wrong or failed to do at all. Just the mention of her failings was enough to make her want to cry or hide or both.

       Allison hated it when adults laughed at something she said. She would never forget how she felt when her mother laughed when she explained to the milkman that they needed more milk because they "had an ulcer in the family." She didn’t think there was anything funny about that. When the milkman joined her mother and laughed, she couldn’t get away from them and into her bedroom to hide fast enough.

       Her shyness made it all the less understandable that she chose one day not only to tell a lie, but also to get up in front of her entire class during show-and-tell to do so. Something brought her to the point of overcoming her shyness to raise her hand in order to be called on to share her news with her first grade classmates. She eagerly walked to the front of the room and faced her classmates, pointed to her socks and told them they were new. But they weren’t. She had already shared the news of her new socks at show-and-tell before. She couldn’t remember if it was last week, last month, or even longer ago. She just remembered that she had already stood in front of the class for show-and-tell before. And she remembered that she liked the attention. Or was it that she was jealous of the others who had shared that they had new shoes, new dresses, new skirts, or whatever?

       As soon as she had told her news – her lie – it was just a little one, she thought, and no one would actually remember that the socks she pointed to that day were the same as before – she realized what she had done, lowered her eyes and head and made her return trip to the desk more quickly.

       And then she started to think.  She knew telling lies was wrong. Should she tell her mom what she did?  Did she have to tell her mom? Would the teacher figure out she lied? Would her teacher tell her mom?

       What should she do?