Day 273 - FedEx Is Delivering a Package Tomorrow

I am so excited. FedEx called me today - I didn't answer the phone because caller ID told me there was an unknown caller on the other end, but I got the message in my e-mail inbox:

Hello this is FedEx home delivery calling with your delivery information. I delivery is scheduled for Friday, November first, that requires a signature. The tracking number is 555555555 888888. If someone will not be available to sign for the shipment. You can track your package is status on the FedEx.com and click the customized(?) delivery button to check it eligibility to be held at a FedEx location or if sign for a package is an option print out the form and follow the directions to have your package last. To repeat this information press any key.

Image of a FedEx truck by myjon, via Flickr.com

I know my visual e-mail translator isn't perfect, but I got the gist of the message. And I am so excited. Who could be sending me a package? (Notice how I transformed the word delivery from the message into package in my mind?) It must be a gift. Yes, that must be it: a gift from someone who is thinking about me. Maybe it is from someone I haven't seen for a very long time, like the friends from Berkeley I haven't been in touch with for nearly 40 years. We just got in touch again this month after I found them using whitepages.com. I looked up his name and then scanned through the many men with the same name until I came across one that listed his wife's name, too.  I sent them a card and they responded by e-mail so we are connected again.

Or maybe it is someone I know very well who is sending me a birthday present. It's a little early, but not everyone waits until the last minute to send a card. Maybe it's a birthday present.

Or maybe it is from my company. I just got a message from my boss that the team I work with at the State Department is the company's Civil Sector Award Winner for this quarter. We got an award once before, but they only gave us one plague which we were supposed to share. We gave it to our government contracting representative as a reminder of why it is such good business for him to keep us all on board. This time I don't work in the same office, so maybe my boss decided to send one just to me. Maybe it's an award.

I hope it isn't just another ploy by a health insurance company that knows I am so close to becoming eligible for Medicare. I've been getting letters from health insurance companies with the most outrageous devices to make me think each is important. One company stamps their letters with

VERIFIED. SPECIAL DELIVERY. PERSONAL, DO NOT DELAY.

Another boldly prints

Open Immediately. TO BE OPENED BY ADDRESSEE ONLY.

with the further notation,

SEE TLT 18 SEC 1702-US CODE. Obstruction of U.S. Mail is punishable by fines up to $2000 or 5 years in prison or both.

My favorite ploy is when companies use those envelopes where there is carbon paper inside so the letter can be printed even though the envelope is sealed and can only be opened by folding down each of the ends to make ripping off that tiny strip easier and then the letter can be pulled out. I am convinced they use that type of envelope because they think only the government would be so behind the times as to still be using them and the recipient might be fooled into thinking this is the big one.

It is entirely believable that some health insurance company would think sending me a letter via FedEx would trick me into thinking this is the big one.

Image from NaNoWriMo by hoosadork
(I didn't make that up), via Flickr.com

But I'm still excited. Even if the delivery FedEx has scheduled for tomorrow is just another health insurance company trying to convince me they have the solution to all my Medicare gap challenges, I have had the opportunity to fantasize and come up with exciting possibilities from my overactive imagination. And the timing for that is perfect because tomorrow starts National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) and I'm going to put my 365 Project to good use for the next 30 days, writing something that might someday turn into a novel.

Day 194 - Table Topics

Don't judge each day by the harvest that you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Image of flowers in a garden by likeaduck, via Flickr.com

Wouldn't you know it? Not even five days have passed since my declaration that my list of topics is enough for me to get started each day. But today I am having trouble getting started. Nothing on the list looks like something I can both start and end tonight. So I am turning to a Toastmasters technique tonight - Table Topics.

Table Topics is one portion of most Toastmasters meetings, an impromptu segment that tests members' ability to think on their feet and speak off the cuff. It is the part of the meeting that I used to avoid, keeping my head down and my eyes covered so that the Table Topics Master wouldn't catch my eye and call on me. But after a few years of getting used to the challenge, now I almost have to sit on my hands to keep from jumping up to answer the questions.

So I pulled up a website with inspirational quotes and picked one as my topic for this project, the Robert Louis Stevenson quote at the top of this post.

I recently watched a remarkable video labeled The Incredible Power Of Concentration - Miyoko Shida that I think is even more remarkable for how it illustrates the importance of even the smallest of things. Ms. Shida illustrates her power of concentration. The video illustrates how humans don't need to remain in the picture. And the video illustrates that removing the smallest item in the construction causes it to collapse.

The garden image is particularly appropriate for me as just the other day as I was wrapping the vines of Mandevilla flowers around the trellises in front of our house as I realized how much I was enjoying spending time with the plants. It was a surprise. I had always thought of working in the garden as work, not pleasurable activity.

Then this morning I noticed something else. My colleagues at work gave me an oak seedling instead of a bouquet of flowers or a plant in memory of my dad. But instead of a ten-inch stick with a few leaves at one end and some roots at the other that I thought I could stick in a pot of soil, the seedling was really just a seed packed in moss. I followed the instructions for planting it and watered it regularly, just like the instructions said. But two months later, there was still nothing sprouting from the top of the seed. I was ready to toss it out. Instead, Alex convinced me I should put the pot outside instead of keeping it on the ledge in the kitchen. And this morning I saw the sprout coming through the top of the seed.

Patience and concentration are good. But implementing them isn't easy.

Madam Table Topics Master.

Day 15 - There Is No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

Image by Theis Kofoed Hjorth via Flickr

Something has been happening to me over the course of the past couple of years that I should have been able to predict. After all, I have a birthday every year, so by this time, my age has put me into a group that means I get invited to enjoy a free lunch – accompanied by a financial seminar – or a weekend at a luxury resort – which happens to be a time-share – or a free seminar on how to set up your own eBay business.

For those who haven’t yet hit that demographic, the offers come in lots of different styles. Here are a few I’ve received.

• A free fleece jacket;
• Dinner at one of three area restaurants;
• Complementary round trip air fare; and
• Complimentary seminars.

The ones offering something free don’t tempt me at all. But I did accept an invitation once - to a wealth building seminar. And that’s the one from which I learned there really is no such thing as a free lunch. Afterwards, I realized what subtle techniques persuaded me.  

Here’s why I gave in to this invitation.

• It wasn’t just an invitation: it was a “Special” invitation.
• The seminar wasn’t free, but the suggested “tuition” fee of $149 was waived, on the basis of my status as a special VIP guest.
• The presenters weren’t local; the invitation promised Donald Trump’s closest adviser, plus 4 self-made multi-millionaire “experts” were lined up to share the Trump family’s most successful wealth-creating secrets and strategies.
• The invitation would not be repeated; it was a once in a lifetime event.
• The tickets were numbered, and the numbers on mine were very low, implying that seating was very limited and/or that I was very high on the list of invitees.

Image by Gage Skidmore via Flickr

The PS clinched it – “you will learn what others have paid over $20,000 to learn. Please RSVP soon as this event will be sold out.”

So I called and made my reservation.

When I got to the event venue, I realized I had forgotten to bring my VIP personal guest tickets. I asked two women who were heading in the same direction if they were also going to the seminar. They were. I mentioned that I wondered if I would be allowed to enter without my tickets. In response, they handed me one of their extras.

The number on the ticket was very low. When I got home I discovered it was the same number as one of my tickets. So much for the invitation being “special.”

The woman who gave me the ticket also mentioned that she had attended the same seminar before. So much for the “once-in-a-lifetime” claim.

Donald Trump wasn't there. That wasn't really a disappointment.

The first speaker’s topic was investment. He threw around a few new terms, like “market fundamentals,” and then he showed us a website he used to analyze these fundamentals. He illustrated his points with screen shots of very persuasive examples of how using this tool could help interpret the fundamentals of stocks. After 45 minutes, he got to the sales pitch. His product – access to and training on the website he used throughout the presentation. The price: $6,000. But, if we purchased the product that day, he was authorized to offer the product at a reduced rate, just $1,999.

And there was a money-back guarantee. Until the end of the second day of training, anyone who purchased the training would be able to decide whether the training was satisfactory and, if not, all the money would be returned. In addition, those who purchased the package that day would receive a password to the site immediately, an opportunity to become familiar with the software even ahead of the training.

Now I know it is probably surprising that someone as well-educated and well-traveled as I would fall for this sales pitch, but I hadn't figured out all the angles yet. I filled out the form, provided my credit card information, and signed up for a training session in two weeks’ time.

As the time for the training approached, I couldn’t attend because I had to travel for a funeral on the second day of the training. I called to reschedule. Unfortunately, there were no scheduled training dates in the future in my area yet, but the representative offered me a 30-day extension of access to the website so that I could continue to familiarize myself until I could attend training.

When I returned from the funeral, buyers' remorse had set in and I decided I wanted to get my money back. When I called, the representative tried to sound sympathetic as he explained that the deadline for requesting my money back had passed. The guarantee was only through the second day of the scheduled training. And that training had happened the weekend before. He pointed out that the purchase agreement I had signed clearly indicated this to be the case and there really wasn’t anything he could do. I had signed the agreement, and I therefore owed the company the money. The company would happily provide the training in the future.

That evening, I read every word of that purchase agreement. I had also received my credit card bill which indicated that the price had been charged the day after the seminar. But the purchase agreement, in addition to stating that I could only receive my money back if I requested it before the end of the scheduled training, stated that my credit card would not be billed until after the training.

Image by NobMouse via Flickr

I called the company back. I pointed out that I did not believe it was appropriate for me to be held to the terms of a purchase agreement when the company hadn’t followed the terms itself. I also pointed out that I thought it would not be in the best interests of the company to have me, a very dissatisfied customer, seated among other customers who may not have had a negative experience yet, but I could help that scenario along. If the company refused to return my money, I promised that I would attend their training in the future, and I would use that opportunity to explain how unhappy I was with the deceptive and high-pressure sales techniques of the company. It took elevation of the issue to several levels above the representative with whom I first spoke, but after consultation with their legal department, the company finally agreed to return my money in full.

Truthfully, I probably did learn at least a few of the secrets of the Trump family’s wealth protection:

• always read the fine print, even after signing an agreement;
• don’t accept “no” for an answer; and
• don’t be afraid to use intimidating tactics to get what you want.

Day 12 - Jigsaw Lessons

Image by Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery via Flickr

Every year during the two weeks that school was out for the Christmas and New Year holiday, my family followed a tradition – we put together jigsaw puzzles.  It didn’t matter that we had put the same puzzles together the year before.  It didn’t matter if there was a missing piece or two.  We put together jigsaw puzzles on the dining room table from the day school let out at the beginning of the holiday until the day before we went back to school two weeks later.

I don’t think my parents used puzzles to teach us anything. They were just trying to keep us busy.  But the years have passed, and I now recognize that putting together jigsaw puzzles as a family taught us kids some valuable lessons.

We learned teamwork, we learned to look beyond first impressions, and we learned to think laterally.

Image by juan tan kwon via Flickr

First, we learned teamwork. Separation of duties worked better than everyone looking for the same piece. One looked for edge pieces, one looked for pieces by color, and one looked for pieces by shape. And because of the time required to put 1000 pieces together, trading off the work when the work got tough kept us all looking at the problem from a fresh viewpoint.

Second, we learned the importance of first impressions. Or more precisely, we learned not to rely only on first impressions. For example, just when we were absolutely convinced that there was a missing piece because none of the pieces looked right for a particular hole, someone would find the piece.  It fit in spite of the fact that we didn’t think it “looked” right.

Another example of how first impressions are wrong with jigsaw puzzles is that sometimes it was necessary to turn two pieces over to see if they really fit.  The pattern of the picture blurred the gaps, but looking at the same joint from the bottom provided the information we needed.

Image by Ampersand Duck via Flickr

Third, putting together jigsaw puzzles is a great example of the need to use lateral thinking occasionally.  Who would try putting a jigsaw puzzle together by starting at the top right corner and then connecting only the piece to its right?  That would be sequential thinking.  Lateral thinking starts anywhere, not just at a traditional “starting point.”

Whether my parents intended it or not, the activity of working together as a family to put together jigsaw puzzles taught me well.  Teamwork, recognizing that first impressions are not always accurate, and recognizing the value of lateral thinking have helped me succeed both at work and in my personal life.  Every complex problem can be broken down into small enough pieces to be handled like a jigsaw puzzle.  Application of teamwork, recognizing that first impressions are not always accurate, thinking laterally, along with never giving up until the puzzle is complete – these are keys to success.

Day 11 - Count to Seven, Plus or Minus Two

Image by maddsmadds via Flickr

One of my favorite reality TV shows (and it's hardly a reality, but it isn't a drama, a comedy, news, or a talk show, so I guess what is left as a descriptor is reality) is Project Runway and its spinoff, Project Runway Allstars. Sometimes I try to hide this side of me; after all, I was a serious diplomat, not a flighty fashion follower. But I have to admit, now that I live in California instead of the District of Columbia metropolitan area, I get to dress differently and wear my hair differently from what was usual in DC. And I like that.

Mark Twain is credited with saying, “Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.”  Today I would like to explore the influence of the clothes we wear and suggest some reasons for that influence.  I would also like to share my secret of making sure I am properly dressed for work each day.  It is as simple as counting to seven, plus or minus two.

Image by zorkminos via Flickr

Do clothes influence us? Clearly, I believe they do. A very early memory from elementary school is the first example of that influence. I don't recall just why I was at an evening Parent Teacher Association meeting that night. Maybe it was the time my fifth grade teacher was determined that our class would finally earn distinction as having the highest percentage of parents attending the meeting. That was when she had us write a play (which she edited heavily to correct our historical inaccuracies) and then present it for all the parents at a PTA meeting. But what I remember from that meeting was the other part of the program - when the high school principal talked with the parents about not judging students on their appearance alone. To illustrate, he had the lights lowered in the auditorium just as three boys entered the room. They were dressed in black leather jackets and boots with cleats that rang out with each step. They had chains hanging from their pockets, their hair was slicked up and back, and they were wearing sunglasses. The 1950's version of Hells Angels in small town America. After a few minutes, the boys left and returned at the end of the principal's talk, this time wearing suits, white shirts, ties, and well-shined shoes. I don't know how many of the parents got the message, but I did. Clothes matter.

Image by SmithGreg via Flickr

Have you read John T. Molloy’s Dress for Success books?  Since the mid-70’s his books have reported on experiments conducted where men and women wore different styles of clothing to work and reported on how people reacted to them. Most often, the women who noticed the improvement in their colleagues' treatment of them when they wore "success" clothing stopped taking part in the experiments because they liked that treatment and didn't want to give it up.

If you need more convincing, Google the phrase “Dress for Success.”  When I did, the first 67 pages all included the full phrase, not just “dress” or “success.”

           

Why do clothes influence us?

Historically, clothing worn identified one’s occupation or status.  Some still do. Imagine the following people going about their business without their "uniforms": clergy, soldiers, doctors and nurses, doormen, chefs, or bus drivers. Uniforms, aka clothing styles, are signs of belonging and serve to help us recognize one another.  In contrast, in Romania I couldn’t tell the doctors from the patients or the street sweepers from the professors – a deliberate attempt to blur the divisions among citizen comrades.

Uniforms provide a sense of tradition.

Image by Kristi Lady via Flickr

What’s my secret to knowing I am dressed for success? I don't have a uniform, but I do have a trick to make sure I am dressed up enough - neither under- nor overdressed. And it is as simple as counting to seven, plus or minus two.  Here’s how (at least for women):

• 1 point for each different fabric of my clothes,
• 1 more point for each fabric that has a pattern,
• 1 point for shoes (I don't consider flip flops or running shoes as "shoes"),
• 1 more point for open toes,
• 1 point for stockings/hosiery,
• 1 more point if stockings/hosiery are patterned, and 
• 1 point for each accessory I don’t normally wear (which eliminates points for wedding rings and watches, unless the watch is a novelty worn only occasionally).

Try it out.  What’s your score today?

What’s the plus or minus 2 for?

• Women – It’s OK to get to 9 (plus 2)
• Men – It’s OK to get only to 5 (minus 2)

 “Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.”  Henry Ward Beech.

“Clothes don’t tell the character of the man, but they just as well talk for him as against him.”  Anonymous

“When you meet a man, you judge him by his clothes; when you leave, you judge him by his heart.”  Russian proverb.