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| by val.pearl |
I don't like secrets. I firmly believe that a secret is only a secret when only one person knows it. As soon as a second person knows, it isn't a secret. But that doesn't absolve me of the responsibility to keep secrets when they are shared with me.
In the work I did for the State Department, I needed to know some secrets, even when I didn't want to know them. I think I do a good job of compartmentalizing what I know so I can keep secrets, but I don't like to have the responsibility. If I can't remember what is a secret, I consider everything about it secret.
Government secrets are only shared on a need-to-know basis. Fortunately, most of the work I did for State could be better described as need-to-share. And now I work for an office at State that promotes knowledge management, knowledge sharing, knowledge transfer. It is a good fit for me.
People whose work, perhaps even their lives, depend on keeping secrets seem to think others, even those who have no need to, are keeping secrets from them. I have met many people while working at State who thought I wasn't telling them everything. Perhaps I wasn't. As I mentioned before, I choose not to say some of what I think if I think the result will be hurtful to someone else. But if only they would ask me about their thoughts and conclusions. If I knew what they were thinking, what they were telling others about what they believed I was planning to do, I would have told them the truth.
The truth. That seems like such a simple concept. Either a statement is true or it is not true, right? And what is not true is a lie, right? And when a statement that hasn't been verified is shared with someone else, that is a rumor, right? And spreading rumors is wrong, right?
If only it were so simple.
Let me tell you a story about someone I knew at one of my overseas posts, someone who tried to keep his private and professional life separate, to keep some things secret from everyone else, but I kept being dragged into the middle.
This someone, Jack*, had a position of responsibility at the embassy with many people reporting to him. Some liked him. Some did not. I liked him, so I had a hard time understanding why anyone didn't. But I couldn't change the facts. A fact is like truth; it just is.
As Jack's assignment was coming to and end, we expected him and his family to begin planning to leave. It was summer, the usual transfer season. But instead of making plane reservations and requesting their things to be packed up, Jack did nothing.
Summer brings with it the embassy's annual July 4th event. When I asked Jack if he would be in the country for that event, he answered that he didn't know. He said he had some personal things to take care of and he would let me know later what his plans were.
Then I heard from someone else that Jack's wife had said she wasn't leaving that summer. The next question, of course, was had I heard anything about problems between Jack and his wife. I hadn't and I was not about to continue speculating without asking Jack. So I did.
Jack's answer was that since his wife had only started working for her employer within the past year, she did not want it known in the office that she would be leaving soon. It was for that reason that she had not answered the question someone asked her while she was at work with the truth. She had replied with an answer that she wanted her employer to believe. It was also in some way a statement that asserted her independence from the State Department assignment system that assumes all family members will move as a unit from place to place, that spouses (most of them wives) will settle for whatever employment options are available in each place, regardless of the spouse's education, skills, knowledge, and abilities. I could understand those thought, but I wanted to be sure that Jack understood that people would come up with their own explanations for his reluctance to share his departure plans. I predicted that the explanations others would come up with would be much less complimentary than whatever the truth was. Once again, Jack told me it was his business, not mine, so I dropped the subject.
The next time I heard anything about Jack's departure plans, it was from a local employee in another country where Jack had previously served. Alex and I made a quick weekend trip to that country where I also had served. The local employee told me Jack and his wife were adopting a baby from a neighboring country. I corrected him and told him that Jack and his wife had already adopted a baby from that country, a little boy. But the local employee then told us he already knew about the boy. Now Jack and his wife were planning to adopt a little girl, too. They hoped all the arrangements could be completed before they had to return to the U.S. because it would be far more costly if they had to return from Washington.
The curtain rose on Jack's private matter. Now I understood. When I next met with Jack, I told him what I had heard. I congratulated him, and asked him why he was keeping the plans a secret. Again, he said it was a private matter that was no one else's business, especially since it wasn't certain the adoption would go through. He asked me to say nothing to anyone else, and I agreed.
But the next day, one of those people who didn't like Jack told me that she, too, had heard about their plans to adopt a baby girl. I told her that Jack and his wife didn't want people to know and I asked her not to tell anyone else. Her response surprised me. She told me that Jack's maid is the person who told her about the adoption when they ran into one another at the grocery store. Her conclusion was that if Jack's maid was telling people, then there was no reason for her not to do the same.
Jack despised rumors. Now that one of the people who wasn't one of his fans knew about their adoption hopes, I knew there would be rumors. And although I was convinced that no one would think any unkind thoughts about the news, I knew Jack needed to know that others would be talking about his private business. So I told him. I also told him I had told no one, but I don't know that he believed me.
I really hate secrets.
*not his real name
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