Day 304 - Cultural Forum of Abu Dhabi

Huda and Mackawee

Both Huda and Mackawee were from Yemen, the southern half of the now reunited Republic of Yemen. They had both lived in Abu Dhabi the majority of their adult lives. Mackawee came on his own as an adult for work.  Huda came to Abu Dhabi with her parents and brothers. By the time I met them, Huda's parents had both died, at least one of her brothers had left Abu Dhabi for the United States, and at least one brother was still in Abu Dhabi.

They hadn't been married long. I learned very shortly after arriving in Abu Dhabi that Mackawee had had a heart attack a few years before. At the time, he was not yet married, so going through the recovery without a close family member to care for him turned his thoughts to marriage. He had known Huda and her family for many years so he approached her father to propose marriage. Huda's mother had recently died. Huda told me one of her regrets was not having married while her mother was still alive. Instead of marriage, she had stayed with her parents, helping to care for them since her brothers had all married and moved out of the family home. She agreed to marry Mackawee and her father approved.

Huda and Mackawee had been married about five years when I met them. By then, Huda's father had also died. If she had not been married, she would have had to rely on her brothers for support. And something had come between them that kept her from relying on her brothers, something that would make it difficult for Huda if she had to turn to her family for support. Mackawee was ten years older than Huda and he was concerned that he needed to take steps to ensure that Huda would be able to live on her own in case something happened to him. He was convinced the future for Huda lay in the United States, not in Abu Dhabi or Yemen. So he approached me about the possibility to obtaining a special immigrant visa while he was still healthy enough to start over in the United States and before he had no choice as he was approaching Emirati mandatory retirement age. Huda had lived in the United States before, but she was hesitant about starting over.

I had no doubt that Mackawee would succeed, and I was certain Huda would also find life in the United States a positive experience. But she had reservations. I thought of a way that would help not only Huda become more comfortable with the prospect of moving to the U.S., but also provide a forum for professional development for others at the embassy.

Initially, we met on Mondays (Gulf Wednesday) during the lunch hour and we called ourselves For Women Only, not at all an unusual idea in the country where men and women were routinely separated for social events.

We began by working on resumes. I knew Huda would need to write a resume, and I also knew that several of the American wives who would be returning to the U.S. the following summer would benefit from updating their resumes to account for the foreign work experience they now had. I made the point that while there are bad times to have to write a resume - when the need for getting a new job happens suddenly or is immediate, for example - the best time to update a resume is when you don't need one. So we reviewed articles about effective resume writing, we wrote drafts for ourselves, and we then critiqued one another's to improve them.

We then moved into other aspects of job hunting, including how to dress for success, whether success at an interview or success on the job. I don't know where we found the rule of 7 plus or minus 2, but I have been following it ever since. That rule gives points as follows:

• 1 point for every piece of clothing that isn't the same fabric (i.e., the skirt or slacks and jacket that make up a suit are just one point because they are the same fabric).
• 1 extra point for each fabric that has a pattern.
• 1 point for shoes.
• 1 extra point if the toes are open.
• 1 point for hosiery.
• 1 extra point if the hosiery has a pattern.
• 1 point for each accessory (belt, scarf, necklace, earrings, broaches, rings, hats, handbags) that are not worn every day (i.e, a ring or watch that is always worn gets no points).

Sandra modeling 7 plus
or minus 2

Huda modeling 7 plus
or minus 2

The goal is 7 points, plus or minus 2, making the range of 5 to 9 acceptable. We also ran across an article somewhere with tips that included avoiding wearing white or floral patterns at work. That tip ended up in the embassy newsletter, unfortunately released on a day when the ambassador's secretary was wearing a white dress with a white sweater, white shoes, and white hosiery. I think she took offense.

After covering that topic, we held discussions about how to advance professionally. Throughout this phase, we continued to include only women. It was this group who organized the embassy iftar meal. After that event, some of the men at the embassy pointed out that they wanted to participate as well. So we changed our name from For Women Only to The Cultural Forum (or as some of the men called it FKAFWO (for Formerly Known As For Women Only, an homage to Prince).

Each Monday as the time for the sessions came closer, I began to wonder how we would maintain the momentum. Each week I thought perhaps this would be the final week we would meet. But at the end of each Monday's session, I walked away knowing we would continue for at least another week. More significantly, I saw that I was gaining energy from the discussions.

Because we changed our name, we also shifted our emphasis away from professional development (at least as an explicit goal) and more towards greater cultural awareness not only of the United Arab Emirates, but also of the many nationalities that the local staff represented. We learned from the Indian employees about the holidays of Holi (the festival of colors) and Diwali (the festival of lights).

  Image of Holi by  jeremy.nicoll 

Observations of Holi end up looking a lot like today's Color Runs. We were all just a bit too proper to go through anything as undignified as being sprayed with paint, but learning about the holiday which marked the beginning of spring was a natural progression to learning more about the Iranian holiday, Now Ruz, which also marked the beginning of spring. A number of local employees in both Abu Dhabi and Dubai celebrated their Iranian ethnic background, although their families may have been living on the southern side of the Gulf with two names for generations.

Diwali lights
by  KennardP 

Diwali is an autumn holiday that was a bit more obvious than Holi as the shops were festooned with colored lights that most of us would have referred to as Christmas lights for the weeks leading up to Diwali. Exchanging gifts is an important part of Diwali, so shopping for Diwali gifts looked a lot like Christmas shopping as well. At the embassy, in the year of The Cultural Forum, we brought candles in holders to set on each desk for part of the day, to observe the holiday in solidarity with the local employees from India and Sri Lanka.

The biggest project The Cultural Forum took on was to write a Cultural Guide to the United Arab Emirates, following the outline of the existing Cultural Guide to Saudi Arabia, that same guide that erroneously led me to expect to have nothing to do in Qatar and therefore advised that I bring every book I ever wanted to read, every movie I ever wanted to watch, and every game I enjoyed playing with me to fill in all those empty hours. We decided that any Cultural Guide of the United Arab Emirates had to describe not just the culture of the Emiratis, but also the cultures of all the expatriate workers in the country who make up 83% of the population. It was a noble project, unfortunately unfinished when I had to leave Abu Dhabi.