Day 163 - Conversations

Three rectangular trellises at the front

Alex loves our house. He really does. He loves the inside, all on one level, no stairs, a view from one window of the mountains around San Diego, and a view of the hummingbirds at the feeder from the other large window. And he loves our yard. He would love it even more if it were large enough to need a riding mower to keep the grass short - his image of the American dream includes a riding mower. He loves the lemon trees in the back yard that provide the fruit to freshen up his gin and tonic in the evening. And he loves the flowers that grow in front of the house.

I like our house a lot, but I will never end up with the same deep emotions as Alex feels. Or maybe it is just that I won't speak the thoughts aloud like he does. You see, Alex is an extrovert, and while I have learned how to behave like one, I am still an introvert. That means that where Alex can't help but tell me what he thinks about everything. I keep my thoughts to myself unless I think it is necessary to speak the words. Our conversations are a combination of things he says and things I don't say.

This week, I did mention something to Alex about how I would like the flowers displayed in the front yard. While I was in Minnesota this spring, Alex spent a lot of time sprucing up the yard, including the purchase of a number of flowers in pots that he set up on the steps and on the table on the porch. He added petunias, hibiscus, and a few other flowers whose names I don't know in both the front and back of the house.

Two of the potted floral plants Alex put out on our steps have small white trellis frames in them. The plants don't seem inclined to climb the trellises, but I like the look of them. I suggested we get similar trellises to put up against the side of the house for the flowering plants that were already in the ground when we bought the place. They are vines, growing along the ground or on bamboo stakes Alex had put in for them. I thought the trellises would look good.

Rectangular trellis

Alex decided he would rather buy wood and make the trellises himself. I wasn't sure if it was the cost of the already made up trellises we found at Dixieline Hardware or his desire to make them himself that was the stronger motivator. But I said nothing. It didn't seem worth the time it would take to discuss it, and it really didn't matter. If he wanted to make the trellis, I didn't want to suggest that I thought it might not be a good idea. And if he thought the cost of the ones already made up was too high, I didn't want him to think I thought he was being cheap. I let him pick out the wood which we got home and added to his stock of wood for future projects. I thought the wood pieces were a little flimsy, but I am not the wood worker, so I kept my thoughts to myself.

Within a couple of hours, he decided himself that the wood wasn't substantial enough. He decided to take them back and pick up two rectangular trellises instead. I was pleased that we would have the trellises sooner than it would take for him to make up two, but what I really wanted were trellises in a different shape - more like a big "Y" than a big rectangle, but again I thought it would be better to get the ready made trellises right away (we had seen them at Dixieline when we bought the wood lengths) instead of having to look around further for the other shape. Alex came back with three rectangular trellises - all they had at that store.

Y-shaped trellis

Later, I heard him pounding the stakes into the ground to anchor the trellises on. While I knew he could do the work himself, and I didn't have to worry that it would put too much strain on his still recovering knee, I knew he would like me to help. He showed me what he was thinking of doing at one end of the house, but there are more plants at the other end, too. The three trellises wouldn't be enough. I was absolutely delighted when he suggested that perhaps we could get the other shape trellis for the end near the porch. I hadn't seen any, but when he realized there were no more of the rectangular ones, he had spied the others. I think he may have been hesitant to suggest that shape to me because they aren't the same as the first set. Inside, I was leaping for joy because that is the shape I had wanted all along.

All six trellises are now in place, with the vines and red flowers held up on the stakes ready for the vines to begin twisting around the boards themselves. Alex is happy. I am happy. And I barely had to say a word. I just needed to keep my thoughts to myself until they were also Alex's thoughts and then I could agree with him that his idea would be perfect. That's how an introvert and an extrovert hold conversations.