Day 134 - Keepers

Image by Elvert Barnes, via Flickr

I knew right away that Alex was a keeper. He can't keep from telling me what he thinks, even when what he says may not be what I want to hear. He just can't help himself, almost like Jim Carey in Liar, Liar. Now that doesn't mean I don't get annoyed with what he says. But it is a refreshing change from my previous attempts to find a life partner. The two before Alex couldn't help themselves from telling me either what they thought I wanted to hear or what they preferred reality to be like. So Alex's approach to the truth is petty darn wonderful.

And Alex brought Simon into my life. It isn't that I decided not to have children. It is just that I was never in the right circumstances when biology was on my side. By the time Alex came into my life, there was no possibility of my having a child. But then, there was Simon. Alex was worried that I wouldn't want to share my life with a teenager. Once Simon arrived, I had no doubt that having him in my life would expand it, not crowd anything out.

And when Simon was ready for his last year of high school, he ended up living in Fargo, ND, just across the river from my parents. His presence in the area expanded my parents' lives, too. When Dad told us he was going for a drive in the countryside, we would jump in the car to join him, but he didn't even turn the key to start the car until Simon was with us in the car. When Simon graduated from high school, he stayed in town for four years of college. Alex and I were half way around the world for most of those four years. Dad would run into Simon at basketball games at Concordia and nothing made him happier than telling his friends that that English kid was his grandson.

Now Simon has lovely Sarah as his wife and together they have James. The two of them have expanded my life even further. They are definitely keepers. But they are just the beginning.

My sister-in-law, Julie, Wayne's wife, is another keeper. Throughout Dad's health challenges during the past two years, Julie has been our medical translator. But she not only could translate the medical situation, she can also translate nursing home situations for those not familiar with that system. When Dad ended up in the Transitional Care Unit at Eventide, Julie explained the possible consequences of first the gangrene and later the infection, helping us all to prepare for all eventualities. She was also the first person to mention that hospice might be appropriate for Dad. While most of us thought of hospice as something that meant there was no hope, Julie helped us recognize that hospice care is in fact a hopeful step since hospice services ensure the best possible quality of life when additional treatment has little hope for improvement.

Julie was Dad's advocate in the medical and nursing processes throughout his final years. And thst meant she was also our advocate, something that I can't adequately express my thanks to her for in words. She is a keeper.

My brother-in-law, Dick, Joan's husband is another keeper. Dick made nearly every trip between their home and Moorhead that Joan made to spend time with Dad. Dick was with Joan and me when Dad died. Most often quietly remaining in the background, Dick provided solid support to all those around him. Dick has always taken excellent care of my baby sister and their two children and their children. His hobby, photography, ensures that we all, even those of us half a continent away, keep informed, visually, of the changes in all those precious grandchildren. Dick is a keeper.

My sister-in-law, Kathy, Bruce's wife, is a keeper. When Bruce married Kathy, her three beautiful daughters joined the family. All little girls then, they are all grown up now, with beautiful little girls of their own. Kathy makes my brother Bruce happy, the best gift possible. Bruce and Kathy have had more losses recently than seem fair. While we all lost both Mom and Dad, and we lost Brian, Bruce's loss was greater because Brian was his twin. And then last Christmas, the family lost Cole, Bruce and Kathy's grandson, their daughter Ashley's son. Through those losses, we have gotten to know Kathy's family, a gift to all of us.

Last, but far from least, my sister-in-law, Lori, Brian's wife, is a keeper. When Brian sent me an email message in Sana'a, Yemen, to tell me that he and Lori had again begun dating, my first thought was, "Yippee!" And that was even before I could see the smile that Lori brought to his face. Being half-way around the world makes it hard to check out facial features. But somehow I think the smile came through in the words he used. Lori and Brian had dated years before, and even though destiny didn't keep them together, Lori really did remain part of our world. Many times when I was back in Moorhead, Dad would tell me to join him in the car because he thought it was time to go see Lori. We would drive to where Lori worked to say hi. I now realize it may have seemed to her that Dad and I were shopping and just happened to run into her. But she was the reason for our trip.

Once Dad had to give up his apartment at River Pointe, Lori opened her home to me when I traveled to Moorhead to see Dad, giving me much more than a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head. Many times I recalled the saying that fish and guests begin to smell after four days as my stays often doubled or tripled those lengths. No matter how long I stayed, Lori always made me feel welcome.

Each time I stayed with Lori, I had the opportunity to spend time with her kids - Erik, Alex, and Megan. They are all keepers, too.