Day 124 - Choices

“IT IS BY CHOICE AND NOT BY CHANCES THAT WE CHANGE OUR CIRCUMSTANCES.” 
― Nadia Sahari, Breakaway: How I Survived Abuse

image vy emilio labrador, via Flickr

Everyday we make choices. Even when we don't think we are making choices, we are making choices.  When we let someone else make decisions for us, we are making that choice.

My friend Kathy let other people make choices for her. She did this in part by assuming that everyone around her had a hidden agenda. When she went shopping, for example, she assumed that the clerk in the store who helped her choose a blouse, dress, slacks, etc., had some hidden purpose behind her suggestions. So nine times out of ten, once Kathy brought her purchases home, she would begin to question whether the color was really good for her skin tone or the neckline complemented the shape of her face or the waistline of the slacks made her look slim. After stewing about it overnight, she returned the items. Instead of making her own choices, she let her assumptions about others make those choices.

image by Leonard John Matthews, via Flickr

Kathy lived with me for about a year. My house had one bathroom. Both Kathy and I grew up in houses with just one bathroom and lots of siblings, so getting along with one bathroom wasn't a problem. The medicine cabinet above the sink had two sliding mirror doors which met in the middle. Because the point where the doors overlapped distorted the image, Kathy used to stand to one side of the sink so that she could see her face on just one of the doors. In contrast, I used to slide one of the doors open half way so that I could stand centered at the sink and see my face without the distortion of the split mirror. When Kathy saw me slide the door half way open, she laughed because it had never occurred to her that she could do something about what she didn't like. She was so used to making adjustments to herself instead of to the world around her.

“Because to take away a man's freedom of choice, even his freedom to make the wrong choice, is to manipulate him as though he were a puppet and not a person.” 
― Madeleine L'Engle